Well, I am leaving for college in just a few days and with all the nervousness/excitement I am feeling I’ve started reminiscing about this past year of my life. Going into my senior year I was told it would be the best year of high school. You are finally at the top, you don’t need to try that much, the teachers will let you off the hook, and it will just be a boatload of fun. In many ways, it was a boatload of fun. I created countless lifelong memories with such amazing people. But what I didn’t expect was the emotional roller coaster I was going to be put on. I started the year pretty vulnerable. Though it may have seemed to be, I wasn’t the normally confident, free-spirited girl I always was. I was afraid of what the future looked like, I was worried about upholding a status, I was anxious about every little detail in my life, I was displeased with my body image, and I just felt alone. I didn’t have my eyes fixed on Jesus. My eyes were fixed on the world. You can never please the world. But I kept trying to which left me feeling like I wasn’t and couldn’t be good enough.
Every day I became full of anxiousness, fear, and worry. I just thought this was the new normal. Over the course of the year, I had highs and lows, good days and bad days. there was something missing in my heart. Something I was seeking, but I just couldn’t find. Was it to fit in? To be accepted? To to be perfect? I kept striving, but what I was striving for wasn’t something I could attain through the world. My mind, my heart and my body were all in one giant wrestling match throughout the year. I squeezed all my emotions and struggle inside, and locked the door. I didn’t want anyone coming in. I just felt like I was too much of a mess for God to deal with. I mean he is the all perfect, flawless, awesome King of the universe. Why should I bother him with my silly little emotional problems? I strayed further from God. At the end of the day I would wonder, “Will I ever get out of this? Will I ever be the joyful, confident, free-spirited girl I used to be?” I felt hopeless and trapped.
But I did not want to live this way forever. God offers us to live a joyful life, living close to him, and that’s what I desired. About a month ago I called out to God and said,”I want to be healed.” I opened my hands and handed him the fear, worry, anxiety, and discontentment that had been controlling me. With grace, He took all my baggage. When I was praying I happened to be standing outside and at that moment a blue butterfly fluttered gracefully in front of me. The butterfly was so peaceful and at rest. I felt like God whispered to me, “Annalise, with me all is well.” That butterfly was a reminder that God uses the circumstances in our lives to transform us. God is the God of healing, restoration, and new beginnings. A butterfly starts as a small caterpillar, but through the process of transformation becomes a graceful creature, soaring high and low, revealing God’s beauty wherever it flies. We are like butterflies. Every day God is transforming us, transforming our hearts, and preparing us for the unique purpose he has for our lives. God hand sculpted you for a purpose only you can fulfill. He loves you and wants you to seek him. He wants to heal you. Let him. If you are struggling in anyway, remember that God is using your circumstances to sculpt and transform you. He loves you. He wants to make you new. You are a butterfly.
Romans 12:2, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”